A Real Pain, directed by Jesse Eisenberg, explores the complexities of grief, family, and identity through the story of estranged cousins David and Benji Kaplan.
Their journey to Poland to honor their late grandmother, Grandma Dory, forces them to confront their emotional wounds, rekindle their bond, and grapple with their divergent life paths. The film’s ending leaves audiences reflecting on the uncertainty of Benji’s fate and the evolving dynamics of their relationship.
Why Doesn’t Benji Go With David?
At the beginning of the film, David is introduced as a structured, family-oriented individual, while Benji exudes carefree energy, seemingly untethered by responsibilities. Their contrasting personalities come to the forefront as they embark on their journey to Poland. However, as the story unfolds, it becomes clear that beneath Benji’s charismatic exterior lies deep emotional pain, compounded by his struggles with mental health and his sense of isolation.
By the end of the trip, David returns to his family life, while Benji chooses to stay at the airport, refusing David’s invitation to join him for dinner. This decision underscores the central tension in Benji’s life: his inability to integrate into a conventional framework of relationships and responsibilities. The trip may have reignited a connection with David, but it doesn’t magically resolve Benji’s inner turmoil or provide him with a clear path forward.
Benji’s choice to stay at the airport signifies his lingering sense of disconnection. The opening and closing scenes mirror each other, emphasizing the cyclical nature of Benji’s struggles. While the film hints at the possibility of healing through his bond with David, it also acknowledges that personal transformation often requires more than a single trip or moment of connection.
Why Does David Slap Benji?
The slap David delivers to Benji in the airport is a pivotal moment, filled with both humor and poignancy. It mirrors a story their grandmother once shared about slapping Benji when he was a teenager to snap him out of his self-destructive behavior. For David, the slap is an expression of love and frustration—a desperate attempt to reach through Benji’s defenses and remind him of the people who care about him.
David’s act carries layers of meaning. First, it signifies his recognition of Benji’s pain and his refusal to let him spiral unchecked. Second, it reflects David’s own growth. As someone who has always been reserved and conflict-averse, slapping Benji in a public space is a bold, uncharacteristic gesture. It demonstrates his willingness to fight for their relationship, even if it means stepping outside his comfort zone.
For Benji, the slap initially appears to be dismissed as a joke, but his reaction suggests otherwise. It stirs something within him—a reminder of the love and care that still exists in his life, even if he feels disconnected from it. The slap is a physical manifestation of David’s commitment to their bond, and while it doesn’t resolve Benji’s struggles, it plants a seed of hope.
Why Does David Place the Stone at His Door?
During their trip to Poland, David and Benji visit their grandmother’s childhood home. Placing a stone at the doorstep is their way of honoring her memory and acknowledging their family’s history. While the gesture is symbolic, it also reflects the deep sense of connection they feel to their roots, even in the face of a fraught and painful past.
When David returns home, he carries the stone with him and places it outside his own door. This act signifies his desire to keep his grandmother’s memory alive and integrate her legacy into his daily life. For David, the stone becomes a tangible representation of the connection he has rekindled with his heritage and, by extension, with Benji.
The placement of the stone also reflects David’s hope for reconciliation and healing in his relationship with Benji. The trip allowed David to see his cousin in a new light, understanding the depth of his struggles and the resilience beneath his outward bravado. By bringing the stone home, David symbolically brings Benji into his life, expressing a silent wish that their bond will endure and strengthen.
Why Does Benji Stay at the Airport?
Benji’s decision to remain at the airport highlights his ongoing battle with loneliness and his inability to find a stable sense of belonging. The airport becomes a metaphorical space for him—a liminal zone between connection and isolation, where he can observe the world without fully engaging in it. At the beginning of the film, Benji’s time at the airport seems whimsical, but by the end, it takes on a more somber tone, reflecting his deep-seated yearning for connection and the pain of feeling adrift.
The film avoids offering a definitive resolution to Benji’s arc, leaving his fate open to interpretation. While his refusal to join David’s family for dinner suggests a reluctance to confront his struggles head-on, his interactions with David during the trip hint at a glimmer of hope. The audience is left to wonder whether Benji will find the strength to reach out for help or continue to wrestle with his demons alone.
Themes of Family and Healing
A Real Pain explores the complexities of family dynamics and the ways in which shared history can both connect and divide people. David and Benji’s journey to Poland forces them to confront their grief, their differences, and their shared longing for understanding. While their trip doesn’t resolve all their issues, it serves as a catalyst for growth and reflection.
The film also challenges the notion that travel or a single transformative experience can provide instant healing. Instead, it portrays the slow, messy, and often incomplete process of grappling with pain and forging connections. Through its nuanced characters and poignant narrative, A Real Pain offers a bittersweet meditation on the enduring power of family and the complexity of the human experience.